I have the best family and friends that a person could possibly ask for.  They have been amazing sound boards for my heartache and woes of recent times.  Taking things “one day at a time” or “putting one foot in front of the other” is advice I have been told a lot these past few months. These bits of advice and wisdom are wonderful but are sometimes not as easy as they may sound.  Many times the most simple advice is often the hardest to follow.

As I am sure you all know, getting over someone you once truly cared about is hard to do no matter what method you employ.  It has been very difficult  the past few weeks for me to come to grips with the fact that not only is SHE not coming back, but SHE has also already moved on.  In situations like this, we often ask ourselves how can someone who repeatedly vowed that you were her one true love and that the two of you would be together for the rest of your lives just throw you away like a parking ticket?  Also the question comes to mind if SHE really loved me at all..

I am trying to come to grips with the fact the answer might not be as simple as yes or no.  As much as I would like to believe that we live in a world were everything is either right or wrong, good or evil, black or white, I am fully aware that there are SO MANY grey areas in our lives that cannot be tackled with simple yes or no answers.  I believe our pop culture says a lot about us as a society.  We all love the moral stands that heroes like Superman or Captain America make because they have moral guidelines that they stand by and never waiver from.  But we as a society are much bigger fans or characters such as Batman and Iron Man because they live in and fully accept the in-between areas of life, the grey areas that make up a big part of our lives.

Now I know what you’re thinking.  What is this nerd/geek rambling on about and how does a superhero’s morals apply to losing someone or distinguish between true and false love?  My point is that maybe the answer is not as simple as a yes or no answer.  Maybe there are extenuating circumstances that can prevent someone from spending the next 60 good years of their life with someone they truly love (I say 60 because being in my 30’s already, I believe it might be a stretch thinking I have much more than 60 years left on the Earth). Maybe there were/are situations that SHE was/is going through that I have no idea about. And I am also coming to grips that there is absolutely nothing I can do about the issues SHE is having behind the scenes.  Now it is up to me to take the Solomon-like wisdom of my family and friends and take things “one day at a time” and “put one foot in front of the other” until I get to where I need to be.

Thanks again,

A. Failure

I mentioned before that I am a big quote guy.  How amazing is it that someone can be so inspirational and earnest that their words inspire the rest of us to better our situations?  This might be one of my favorites:

“We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”

– Walt Disney

Have a great day, everyone!

A. Failure

Loss is never something that is easy to deal with.  Whether it be the loss of a loved one in death or the loss of a lover through a break-up.  These types of losses can set us back for long periods of time if we let them.  Especially the latter of the two.

I have been very lucky in regards to the first type of loss that I mentioned.  I have yet to lose anyone in my immediate family or someone who is extremely close to me.  I thank God for this, but I also realize that it will happen one day.  As the patriarchs and matriarchs of my family grow older every year, I cannot help but imagine a time when they will not be there for the rest of us.  It will be very hard to deal with when their time finally comes, but we will keep moving forward and persevere because we accept their passing as being all part of a plan.  It’s considered an inevitable part of life that must be accepted.  The majority of us believe that they are headed to a better place, and we will see them again someday.  These ideals help us to move on with our lives and not be consumed by the grief.

The second type of loss I talked about, the loss of a lover, is a totally different story.  This type of loss is always unexpected and never seen as part of a plan.  It’s a wound that is always slow to heal and has a tendency to fester when not attended to properly.  We constantly relive the situation.  Like a coach at the end of a big loss, we constantly play the highlight films over and over in our heads trying to figure our which plays we should have run instead of the ones we chose that were so obviously ineffective.  We torment ourselves with “what could have beens” and “what should have beens” instead of just accepting the reality of the situation: there was most likely nothing that could have been done.

Recently I lost someone in my life who meant more to me than I can even begin to describe to you in words.  This person made me feel things that I never thought I was capable of feeling towards someone.  When she was around, the air was fresher, the sun shone brighter, and I walked around with a constant grin knowing that she loved me with all her heart and soul just as I loved her.  I never woke up thinking that today might be the last day, or that this might be our last week together.  In my mind, this was who was put on this Earth to be with me for the rest of my life.  She would be the person with whom I would grow old. The one who would most likely be holding my hand as I passed away. The one who would mourn my absence.

And the worst thing about the whole situation is that I felt our relationship breaking months in advance, and I chose to ignore it instead of actively trying to do something about it.  Now, I’m the one left to sit and wonder what I should have done differently.  Questions run through my mind like “Should I have been more affectionate?” or “Should I have given her more space?” Those are just a few of the thousands that bubble to the surface each and every day.  And at the end of the day, I know that there is no true answer for any of them.

I am a big time movie buff and have an odd “talent” for remembering hundreds of quotes from the movies I like.  And I always seem to recall the ones that best represent the mood I am currently in or the place where my life is at.  One such quote I can recall goes like this: “It’s so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone” and perhaps one that I believe sums up my current mood better that any other is , “You know, some of us will never, ever find true love, like, take for instance… me. And I’m pretty sure that guy right over there. And the lady with the sideburns. And basically everybody at table nine. But the worst part of all is that me, fatty, sideburns lady, and the mutants over at table nine will never, ever find a way to better the situation, because… apparently we have nothing to offer the opposite sex.”

All kidding aside, I do know deep down that this too shall pass.  I know that tomorrow morning the sun is going to rise just like it did before I met her, and it will continue to rise until I meet my maker.  I recently read online that getting over a relationship is like a half-life for a radioactive isotope, such as in carbon dating (and I know if I hadn’t lost you yet, I know the carbon dating talk made you close the browser).  By that, I mean that if your love lasted for a year, then it will take you six months to get over it.  Here’s hoping that my X amount of months flies by with all the speed possible.

Yours truly,

A. Failure

Hello! I am new to the whole blogging thing, so I hope I can stick with it long enough to get better. I also hope that something in my future ramblings will in some way help someone who is going through the same situations I have been going through.

And please don’t critique my spelling and grammar too harshly.  I’ll try hard to make the posts as mistake free as possible.

Thanks,

A. Failure