Thinking about loneliness today. How it makes us feel and how we deal with it. I hope to have a post up this weekend about the topic, but until then, here are a few quotes I found. Fair warning, they are kind of depressing. The more I read, the longer my face got. I even had a few people stop and ask me what was wrong later in the day. But I’m better now. I promise.

Lonely is not being alone, but the feeling that no one cares.
– Anonymous

My life is one constant battle .
– Anonymous

Loneliness will sit over our roofs with brooding wings.
-Bram Stoker

But… I also found some semi-cheerful, okay-ish quotes about loneliness.

Loneliness adds beauty to life.  It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better.                                                                                                                                                                     -Henry Rollins

At the innermost core of all loneliness is a deep & powerful yearning for union with one’s lost self.                                                                                                                                                               -Brendan Francis

Sometimes you have to stand alone just to make sure you still can.                                               -Anonymous

Have a good day 😉

A. Failure

So, to say the least, it’s been a while…  I want to say my last post was sometime around July/August of 2015.  I was having a tough time, and that day, I found out information that made something “click” inside me that made me immediately move on from where I was at emotionally.  And I thought I was all better.  That I had “fixed” myself and was able to move on without any other outlet.  Boy was I wrong.

Even though I no longer sit around hoping and praying that “She” comes back into my life, I still have not been able to find any real peace with my personal life.  I just haven’t been able to take that next step.  It’s been one long string of misses with members of the opposite sex.  Now don’t get me wrong,  this situation is not all due to the fact that the only women I have met are train wrecks.  Far from it.  I have met some amazing women over the past few years.  But for some reason or another, nothing has seemed to pan out.

Now again, I have been out with some doozies.  Although I am glad for the fact, I’m amazed how some women can’t seem to hide their not so pleasant character traits such as, staunch racism, psychological dependency on a half gallon of wine each evening, and/or the inability to go on a date without checking their 17 social media sites constantly throughout the course of the night.  I think I have the same problem with the constant attention to phones, as I do the other laundry list of complaints.  No, I take that back.  The eye-opening racist remarks are the worst.  On one such date, about 45 minutes in, I stood up and said that I was going to go ahead and call it a night and that this would be our last time out.

Which gives way to the next group of women I have dated – The Ghosts.  This term is in reference to the women I have dated, whom I have actually had a good rapport with and they seemed to feel the same.  But for some reason, they decided to just cut off all contact with me for some reason that was never expressed.  And with the technological world we live in these days, someone can digitally stop responding to you, and as far as you know, they have disappeared off the face of the planet.  After a few of these, you start to take it personally.  I’d rather someone tell me they couldn’t stand the sight of me anymore than to just leave it up in the air like that, never knowing what was the character flaw in myself that drove them away.

And last but not least, there are the ones where I seem to be the problem.  These women have had no perceivable flaw whatsoever.  And I think there in lies the problem.  Due to a few decisions I have made in my past, I always feel like I am the sorriest person in the room at all times.  Or at least the sorriest in whatever room I happen to currently be in at the time.  I’m a Christian, but I also believe in karma.  Hopefully the light of our future is enough to one day drown out the shadows from our past.  I chose not to pursue these women based on my state of mind that I am not and will never be good enough to deserve someone like that.  Which in my mind, this is also the reason for the “Ghosts” in my life as well.  I just assume they came to the same conclusion about me that I already have.

And don’t get me wrong, it isn’t all bad times.  Not by any stretch of the imagination.  I stay plenty busy with my kids when I have them, work, and spending some time with friends and family.  But it is lonely sometimes.  I hope waking up alone never gets to be a part of my life that I just get accustomed to.  Feelings like that often lead to two outcomes; you either try and make yourself into the person you want the world to see and better the situation or after enough time you shut off that part of you and reside to just being okay with being alone.  I hope that time will show I chose the former over the latter.

After taking more time off from the blog than I ever intended, I hope I’m back for good.  I know I’ve said that before, but I truly hope it sticks this time.

Have a good day 😉

A. Failure

As we trudge thorough our workdays, Mondays, and every other tough type of day I can think of, one thing helps us get through the hard times. One thing that pushes us forward towards when we would just rather quit. And that one thing is hope. I was thinking a lot about hope the last few days. Here are some quotes I found about hope that kind of stuck with me. 

Never give up hope. Situations can change overnight and problems can dissolve in the light of a new days sun. 

– Leon Brown

We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope. 

– Martin Luther King Jr. 

And…

Learn from yesterday, live for today, and hope for tomorrow. 

– Albert Einstein

Here’s hoping you are all having a great week so far. I hope have a long post up but the end of the coming week. 

Have a great day 😉

A. Failure

I was talking to a friend of mine today about life and relationships. I started thinking about closure. I thought about how important it is to not only close out one chapter but to move on and start the next chapter or phase in our lives. It’s hard to move on while we still sit back and wonder about “what should have beens”, ” what could have beens”, and “what would have beens”?  We all struggle in moving on even when we have the rationales and explanation we seeks, much less when we don’t have any answer to go on. 

Whether or not we get the answers we seek, time is the most important factor to heal old wounds. Some take longer than others to heal. I think we all just hope and pray they heal before they begin to fester and turn to bitterness, anger, or even hate.  I know one thing that helps with this is a good support staff, loved ones, to confide in and vent to. In the mean time, here are a few things I found online about closure. Hope they strike a chord with you as they did for me. 

Closure is the best form of respect.

– Anonymous 

It’s important to to have closure in any relationship that ends – from a romantic relationship to a friendship. You should always have a sense or clarity at the end and know why it began and why it ended. You need that in your life to move cleanly into your next phase. 

– Jennifer Aniston

I will bring to closure this sad episode and put us on the road to healing and the future. 

– Alfonse D’Amato

And finally…

If you’re brave enough to say “good-bye”, life will reward you with a new ” hello”. 

– Paulo Coelho

Have a great day 😉

A. Failure 

They say that you can’t make an omelet without breaking a few eggs.  Well if that’s true, then brother, I am a certified chef at this point.  Being single–and newly single at that–is very different than I remembered it being.  A while back, I gave you a little hint of my experiences in the dating scene.  Well, I thought you could all use a few good laughs at my expense, so gather round children.

Now I am no stranger to the “first date.”  I have been on a few of these over the years before I was married.  The worst one of these pre-marital first dates involved an Arabic girl with a British accent who smoked A LOT of pot.  And I’m not a drug guy at all. The few times I have seen pot, in my mind I’m screaming, ” HOLY GEEZE THAT’S POT!” And that date was all thanks to a buddy who had a class with her and set it all up as a joke on me, telling her I was into pot when she flat out asked him. A friend in need, huh.  Lol.

Well let’s begin, shall we?  Where to begin? Since becoming single, I have joked with friends that I lead the nation, per capita, in Facebook friend requests from divorced women.  Not exactly a title I was ever shooting for in life.  But eventually some of them have turned into dates.  Dating someone when you are older always seems more like a job interview than a date. The whole time I am constantly asking myself questions like “Could I spend the rest of my life with this person?” or “Would I want this person spending any amount of time around my kids?”  For the most part, the answer to both of those has been a resounding NO.  One such date as at a restaurant with a woman a few years older than myself. Which I have no problem with. We were having a great evening sitting around talking the evening away. Then she shares with me about an altercation she had with another woman from the town she lived and commenced to bragging about, and I quote, ” beating her dumb ass.” I mean… So… Where does the conversation go at this point?  I mean why would someone brag about something like that on a first date? Wouldn’t you save that type of personality trait until at least a second date?  The date didn’t exactly spiral out of control from there, but it also didn’t advance to a second date.

The worst part of dating again is the vulnerability that goes along with putting yourself out there like that. The whole internet dating was a complete bust. It led to a few dates that never led to meeting anyone that I would consider to be my type. Internet dating also landed me stood up on a few separate occasions. What is crazy to me is that these relationships progressed to the point of exchanging numbers and agreeing to meet. Nothing more depressing than sitting somewhere with flowers, and the person they were meant for never showing up.

That being said, it hasn’t been all bad. I know it’s a tough process that will take time. And eventually, I’ll meet someone new. My main goal is to not rush into something that’s not right for me. I know it’s not worth jumping into a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship. And until then, I’ll take it one date at a time and keep “cracking eggs” as they come along.

Have a great day 😉

A. Failure

I have been having a hard time getting back to the computer this past week to add a post or even a few quotes to the site.  Between working overtime, spending time with my kids, and even trying to find some sort of time to exercise a little, there just don’t seem to be enough hours in the day.  And believe me, if anyone can find a reason to put off something, that anyone is me.

But then I stared thinking about perseverance.  Perseverance is defined as “steadfastness in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success.”  A good way to sum that up in my words is that it means to do what you need to do no matter what.  I’m dedicated to this blog/site and I need to make it more of a priority and persevere.  Here are some quotes I found on perseverance that I hope you like as much as I did.

Perseverance is stubbornness with a purpose.

-John Shipp

A river cuts through a rock not because of its power, but because of its persistence.

-Unknown

Never give up on something you really want.  It is difficult to wait but more difficult to regret.

-Unknown

And last, but certainly not least…

It ain’t about how hard you can hit; it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.  It’s how much can you take and keep moving forward.  That’s how winning is done.

-Rocky Balboa

Have a great day  😉

P.S. Hope to have a long post up by Monday night. I think y’all will enjoy this next one.  And also, thanks to those who shared the link either on Facebook or Twitter.  Had a record number of people view the site this past week.  Means the world that some of you like the blog enough to share it with your friends.  Thank you so much.

Acceptance is an important part of life. I know lately it’s something that I’m not sure if I will ever get or even deserve for that matter. It’s important to all of us not to be excluded whether it be from a club, an organization, or even a certain table in the cafeteria.

This post is not the one I had intended to write. I had a more light-hearted and humorous post that would have garnered a few laughs. (Mainly at my expense.) But with everything that has been going on the last week from racism concerning state flags and the legalization of gay marriage, I wanted to say a few quick words and share some quotes I recently found to express how I’ve been feeling about all the latest current events.

The last few days, my news feed on Facebook has been nothing but hate.  And the hate has been coming mainly from the same people who I see posting bible verses the majority of the time. Now I know that most people are set in their ways, which can be a good thing or a bad thing. But in this day and age, I can’t understand the idea that things have to be one way and there can be no other way but that one. The way people dig in their heels on certain issues and can’t just say live and let live is beyond my powers of reason.

I am well aware that when the Civil War was fought, it was a very small percentage that actually owned slaves and that the overwhelming percentage of people who fought for the South were defending their homes and states from what they viewed as Northern aggression. And MAYBE those flags that were used were not outright symbols of slavery and the oppression of an entire race. But today, they are used just for that purpose.  In the year 2015, when black Americas see those flags, they are offended by them. Take them down. Forty percent of the state of Mississippi is offended when they see a Confederate battle flag. Replace them with a flag that is not offensive to one hundred percent of the state’s population.

As for the gay marriage issue, it’s about time. Some rights are inalienable, endowed upon us by our Creator. Being able to spend the rest of our lives with the people we love more than life itself is one of those rights. And take it from a man who will never be with the person he loves the most, it is a miserable way to go through life. We’re only on the Earth for a short amount of time, and that time is too precious to spend it not being surrounded by people who live and care for us. And as for the people I see on my Facebook news feed, a big slogan is “What Would Jesus Do?” Well the Jesus I believe in wouldn’t be sitting behind a computer spewing hate about other people’s ability to marry. When I woke up the other morning, the sun was shining in my neighborhood just as brightly as it was the day before the Supreme Court ruling.  Also, my balance in my bank account didn’t change plus or minus by one single cent.  Which tells me that the decision about gay marriage, no matter how some of us might feel about it, did not impact my life in any way, shape, or form.

Here are a few quotes I saw the other day that I thought you might enjoy.

LEARN to love with all your heart and ACCEPT the unlovable side of others. For anyone can love a rose, but it takes a GREAT HEART to include the thorns.

-Anonymous

The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.

-Brian Tracy

Tolerance, compromise, understanding, acceptance, patience – I want those all to be very sharp tools in my shed.

-Cee Lo Green

Again, I don’t mean to get preachy on hot button issues such as these. I just get so angry when I see hypocrites preaching peace, love, and hope one minute, and change their tune when it doesn’t suit their agendas the next. If we all spent a little more time loving and accepting one another instead of trying to make everyone around us fit into our little standard, customized, one-size-fits-all box, we would all be so much happier.  And remember what John and Paul said… “All you need is love!”  The Beatles, not the apostles.

Have a great day 😉

A. Failure

P.S. Please help spread the word about the site.  If you know anyone who might be struggling with some of the issues I’ve covered, please share the link/web address with them. Also, share the link on Facebook or follow the twitter account @advice_failure. Hopefully, the more people who know about the site, the more people we can help through rough times.

Today’s quotes are all about Forgiveness, which is something that I believe we all desperately yearn for at some point during our lives. Forgiveness is also something that if you are like me, is VERY hard to hand out to people who we believe do not deserve it. And that also goes right along with forgiving ourselves. Here’s some quotes I found that might help. 

Forgiveness is not an occasional act, it is a constant attitude. 
– Martin Luther King Jr. 

You have the power to take away someone’s happiness by refusing to forgive. That someone is you. 
– Alan Cohen

And last but not least…

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. 
– Mahatma Gandhi

Hopefully these quotes will help you as much as they have me. 

And on a side note, I’m sorry I have been away for so long. I was out of town in a area that had no internet service, but I’m back and hope to have a long post up in the next few day. Thanks to everyone who checks the site. I hope you all enjoy the blog and it helps in some small way. 

Have a great day 😉

A. Failure

One of the strongest emotions we as humans have is anger.  And from my personal experience, it’s a bad emotion to carry around with us.  And boy have I carried around my fair share of it over the years. We carry around pent up hostilities that weigh us down and make our already difficult lives even harder than they need to be. We refuse to let go of these real or imagined slights against us, and they fester inside like old wounds.

I found many amazing quotes about anger when I started looking around a few days ago. There were a ton of note worthy lines, but I’ll narrow it down to just a few.

Anger is an acid that does more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to on which anything it is poured.

-Mark Twain

And…

Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting someone else to die.

-Buddha

And lastly…

Fear is the path to the dark side.  Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.

-Yoda

Anger causes the most mild mannered people to do crazy things.  Things that are so far out of character,  our closest friends and family would have to see us on camera to believe we were capable of actions such as those.  All too often, we make excuses for our loved ones who have “tempers” that just get out of hand sometimes.  We see warning signs from these people, but often we chose to over look them because of the nature of the relationship we have with that person.  I was with someone who had an awful temper and I chose to ignore the warning signs.  Warning signs such as her throwing a set of tray tables at me during an argument.  Things that should never be okay or given a pass over, whether it is done by man or woman.

In all honesty, I got mad the other day.  (Well, about a week ago.)  I hadn’t been that mad in a long time.  And it was all over a stupid picture on social media.  I know, you don’t have to say it… I’m an idiot.  I’m just like everyone else.  I saw this pic and assumed it was meant so I would see it and I was seething Inside.  I vented to anyone who would listen, which was about two people.  That helped a little but not as much as it usually does.  It wasn’t until I was lying down that night in bed that I got some sort of peace over the whole situation.  I sat there and I prayed for the person I was mad at. And that is a big thing for me because I am not nearly as religious as I know I should be.  But I didn’t pray for this person as if she had done something wrong because she hadn’t.  The perceived slight was all in my head.  I just prayed that this person would be happy in all her endeavors for all the days of her life.  And honestly, how can I fault anyone for moving on with her life, just like I am making my best efforts to move on with mine?

Anger is something that we are all going to deal with our entire lives.  Some of us do a better job than others at dealing with our anger.  I’ve always been the type to have to be extremely angry for anyone who doesn’t really know me to see I’m angry.  Now just like everyone, I do have my breaking point.  I just bottle up all my anger and bury it way down deep, which I am sure is very healthy for me and will not at all cause a stroke or heart attack years from now.  So to end things, I leave you with this final quote…

In your anger, do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry

-Ephesians 4:26

Have a great day 😉

A. Failure

As days go by, it’s hard not to think about the aging process and our own mortality. To some, aging is a VERY BIG deal. To others, it doesn’t mean much at all. I tend to see myself as somewhere in the middle of those two options. Some days aging bothers me more than others, but those days are few and far between.

I saw a few quotes about aging that I thought were pretty good. Hope you do too!

You are never too old to set another goal or dream a new dream.
-C. S. Lewis

It is never too late to be what you might have been.
-George Elliot

Young at heart, slightly older in other places.
-Unknown

And finally…

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
-Mark Twain

Have a great day 😉

A. Failure

P.S. I hope to have a long post up by the end of the weekend.