There’s a pretty famous line off of a pretty famous movie that goes, “You either get busy living, or you get busy dying.”  That is so true on many levels.  We all have to decide whether to stay in our current situation or to take that first step that begins the journey of a thousand miles we’ve read about on countless inspirational posters.  Now the current situation I mentioned might mean that you are stuck in a bad marriage/relationship or in the aftermath of a break-up, and you just  don’t know what to do.  And believe me when I tell you this: you can be just as lonely lying next to someone every night as you can be lying all by yourself.

Deciding to take that big step and beginning the process of starting over can be very hard.  It took me a long time to make up my mind as to what I wanted to do.  I knew what I wanted, but that option had been gone for a long time.  So I made the decision to get out there and go on a few dates.  I had been asked out once or twice since becoming single again but couldn’t bring myself to go out with anyone because of the feeling I was somehow betraying HER.  It took me a very long time to get over that feeling even though I knew she had moved on– so I should be moving on, too.

Now that I decided to take the plunge into dating, I started getting kind of nervous.  It had been so long since I had last gone on a date with someone new that I honestly had no idea what to do or where to go.  I hate bars and clubs.  Do people still go “clubbin”?  Do people still call it “clubbin”?  And do you really want to meet the next love of your life in a bar or in a club?  And what do you do at the end of the date? Do you end with the awkward side hug or the intimate kiss goodnight? As you can see, I put WAY too much thought into things like this.  I really did not know where to begin this process.  I had heard a lot about meeting people online, so of course I did what any normal American would do: I googled it.

The top two online options were Match.com and TInder.  I had heard of eHarmony, but I don’t need some creepy old man telling me who I am compatible with.  I had also seen commercials for FarmersOnly.com.  One, I am not a farmer by any means.  We barely eat vegetables in my house.  The only time we do eat them is when I realize it’s been a month since I have cooked them, and so I force myself and the kids to eat a meal of nothing but vegetables.  And two, I swear I think those are Geico commercials/spoofs every time they come on.  I keep waiting for the punchline, but it never comes.

So lets talk about Match.com.  WOW!!! Now I don’t know a lot about profile pic etiquette; but before they turn people loose on this site, they should make them sit through a class of do’s and do not’s.  I’ve seen women who have pics of themselves firing weapons, of themselves with their numerous cats (complete with matching sweaters), and numerous others  that in my opinion are probably keeping themselves from accomplishing their goals for being on the site in the first place.  From Match, I have landed two dates… kinda.  One was not technically a date since I was stood up.  (I hung around and waited for about an hour and then trudged home.)

Which brings us to Tinder.  Tinder is the most superficial undertaking I’ve ever done in my life.  The whole app is based on you liking or disliking someone based on one glance.  If you like their looks, you swipe right across the screen to the “good pile.”  If you don’t like what you see, you swipe left.  I have had more quote-unquote success with Tinder than Match.com.  I have had a few dates, but I have also been stood up by the same number. Which is kinda garbage because it usually takes someone 3-4 dates to realize she would have been better off standing me up on the first date rather than dragging it out to 3 or 4. I’m only kidding.  I am very special according to my mother and some of my buddies’ wives who can tolerate me.

Honestly, I have had more luck with people I know fixing me up on dates.  One of my best friend’s wives, who I love dearly, tries setting me up with everyone.  I swear I think she is sitting at red lights flashing my picture to women passing by.  It means a lot to have people in your corner.  Especially when you are trying to rebuild your life after such heartbreak.

I guess my point in all this was to say that once we make that choice to not keep spinning our wheels and stop getting bogged down, there is hope out there.  Happiness is worth its weight in gold and we all deserve it.  But each of us has to come to that realization on our own though.  Like the old saying “You can lead a horse to water, but ya can’t make it drink,” you can tell people they are in a bad relationship or they deserve better out of life or that there is someone out there for them, but it’s up to them to not only believe it but strive for it.  Hopefully all those people in our lives trying to convince us of that won’t give up on us anytime soon.

Have a great day 😉

A. Failure

P.S. Maybe in the next few posts I’ll try to entertain you with some details about my train wrecks… I mean dates I’ve been on.  Good times; good times. LOL

It’s almost impossible to lounge around and enjoy this day without thinking of the countless men and women who paid the ultimate sacrifice for this country and its citizens. Real heroes who laid down their lives so you and I could lie in bed at night and sleep in peace. They gave their all so we can live freely and be able to gripe about the price of gas, moan about how we aren’t happy with our jobs, and even blog about how upset we are over losing the love or our lives.

All gave some. Some gave all. Freedom isn’t free.

-Unknown

This quote always comes to mind when I think about Memorial Day. Now there isn’t much we can do for these fallen soldiers. But one thing we can do is remember what they sacrificed for all 300+ million of us. Let’s all try and keep them in mind as we enjoy the day.
Have a great day 😉

A. Failure

I’ve been in sort of a “writer’s block” the last few days. I get hung up on the idea that I need to put out some long, deep, and meaningful blog post when the short quotes can mean just as much. I came across this one the other day and liked it a lot. I hope you do, too.

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”
– Maya Angelou

Like Mrs. Angelou said, we can’t control much of what happens in our lives, but we do have control of how we deal with it. Heres to having better control.
Have a great day 😉

A. Failure

All too often, we get hung up on our own perceived problems and lose focus of everything and everyone around us.  I know I do all the time.  I get mired down by one little misstep, and then my life seems to start on a downward spiral.  When most of the time, it’s never that monumental of an ordeal to begin with.

My point in all this is to say that I am very “me-centric” some of the time–especially when times aren’t going as I would like them to.  I tend to only worry about my own problems and forget about the other people around me.  I forget about the people around me who are having a hard time at work.  I forget about the couple who are having a rough patch in their marriage.  And not all of these problems are deep rooted and complex.  A lot of times, they are just everyday life struggles catching up with us.  We forget that sometimes life is not only hard for us, but it’s hard for everyone else as well.

So here is a quote I found that helps me remember to not only think about my own problems, but also think about others and what they might be going through as well.

“Try to be a rainbow in someone’s cloud”
– Maya Angelou

Have a great day 😉

A. Failure

The Carpenters said that “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do” but to be honest, I believe that moving on is a much harder pill to swallow.  During the course of any stage in our lives, there will come a time when we as adults will have to decide that we have had enough.  We will have to shrug our shoulders and turn the page if we want to be able to not only move on but also to grow from the experiences we’ve been through.

Moving on is a major ordeal for most of us.  We become attached to certain people, places, objects, etc. and they become ingrained into our subconscious.  We get stuck in the mindset that the way things used to be were as good as they will ever be.  There are many “what-ifs” associated with moving on.  What if I move on and SHE comes back one day?  What if I am ready to move on and stay alone for the rest of my life?  What if I can’t move on?

There has to be a process to rebuilding one’s personal life after experiencing the loss of a lover.  I believe the most important part is finding a way to be content with being alone, at least for a while.  Believe me when I say this, I have had PLENTY of practice at being alone these past few months.  The silence is deafening some nights.  I would sit alone watching Netflix or scrolling through Twitter praying that my phone would ring and that it would be HER on the other end.  You can only sit there and re-watch episodes of Parks and Recreation so many times before you want to throw the remote through the TV screen. Okay, I’m lying about that part. Park and Recreation never gets old, but you get my point.

One night as I’m sitting alone in my living room, there was a knock on my door.  And just like clockwork, here came that good old heart-pounding, punch-in-the-gut feeling.  Was I going to open the door and find HER standing there with open arms?  Would SHE be there to rescue me like Pocahontas running in to save John Smith?  But as the door opened, I saw that it was just a neighbor inviting me to a barbecue that upcoming weekend.  I thanked him for the invite and went back to whatever I was doing before the “run-in.”

I believe that neither you nor I want to be miserable for the rest of our lives.  We all want to start anew and begin to not only love again but to be loved again.  Call me romantic or naive, but I truly believe that there is “that one person” who was put on this Earth for us to find and be with for the rest of our lives.  My one big prayer is that if it isn’t HER, that mine is still out there looking for me.  And if SHE is the one, then maybe there is a ten year plan that God has in play for me that I’m totally oblivious to.  I saw a quote one time that said, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans for the your future.” I believe there is a lot of truth to that.

Maybe I’ve seen too many Disney movies, but I hope and pray that we all have a magical fairy-tale ending in our futures–futures filled with love, happiness, and forest animals singing and helping with household chores. Okay, maybe I’m honestly only hoping for or expecting two of those three, but a boy can dream, can’t he?  In the vain attempt to not sound like a broken record, we have to keep moving forward and taking things one day at a time.  We have to breathe in and breathe out and put one foot in front of the other.  Sorry, that last line was lyrics to a Chris Cagle song.  But again, you get the point.

Have a great day 😉

A. Failure

P.S. My goal in all this is not only to help myself but also to help anyone out there going through hard times as well.  I want to keep this as anonymous as possible, but I also want to include details from my life and experiences that could help people.  Eventually, I want to include some happy tales of moving on and starting over.  On the this blog, I’ll always be know as A. Failure, but hopefully from time to time I’ll also be A. (Happy) Failure.  Thanks again for listening.

No matter who we are or what type of lives we lead, we will meet struggles along the way.  But a lot of the time, we make our struggles much worse in our minds.  We tend to make mountains out of mole hills, present company included.  Today’s quote made me think about just how much I overhype things and how a lot of times if we changed our point of views, maybe our outlooks would change as well.

“The difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is how you use them.”
– Unknown

I think a lot of time, if we would just take a step back and change our perspective, maybe we’d be able to see the forest, inspite of the trees.

Have a great day 😉

A. Failure

Some days there are certain songs that just seem to resonate with me.  Partly they’ll get stuck in my head because that might have been the last song I heard before I got out of my car as I was headed into work.  Other times it’s because the words sum up the way I happen to be feeling at that particular time and place in my life.  Today, it happens to be a Queen song from 1977 that I am sure you all know and love as much as I do.  The song is, you guessed it, “We Are the Champions”.  As I go through my workday, the first verse keeps repeating over and over in my head. Here are the lyrics in case you’re now singing Bohemian Rhapsody instead.

I’ve paid my dues
Time after time.
I’ve done my sentence
But committed no crime.
And bad mistakes ‒
I’ve made a few.
I’ve had my share of sand kicked in my face
But I’ve come through.

Now this isn’t the quote that I want to leave you with today.  These words just make me think of all the trials and tribulations we go through over the course of our lives.  Some of them can’t be avoided while others are self-inflicted like most of mine seem to be. Whichever might be the case for you all, if you’re anything like me, the last line of that verse should stand out to you.  No matter how bad the times were, we either made it through or are in the process of climbing back into the light.  And when it’s all over, we come out knowing who our true friends are because they were the ones that were either by your side the whole time or carrying you when you had nothing left.  And in the end, they’re the ones who really matter in our lives.

So after saying all that, here’s the quote I want to leave you with today.  Hopefully it will help in some way.

“Be who YOU are and say what YOU feel because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind.”

–Dr. Seuss

Have a great day 😉

A. Failure

As we go through this life, we all know that it will be filled with good times and not so good times. Our main hope is that the good times far outweigh the not so good ones.  No matter what situations we go through in this life, there will always be set backs.  Whether we are talking about set backs in dealing with our health,  our careers, or in relationships, they are inevitable and something we will all have to deal with at one time or another.  How we deal with these set backs define many things about us–mainly our character.

The main type of set back I would like to discuss today is the “Run-In.”  Now you might be asking yourself, “What the heck is a run-in?”  Well, If you have ever heard a sad country song from the 80’s or 90’s, you have heard of a “Run-In.”  There is a Kenny Chesney song entitled “I Can’t Go There” that explains a run-in much better that I probably will in this post. This is where you “run-in” to someone with whom you once had a relationship, and it is usually an unexpected occurrence.  In my experience, a run-in can feel like a punch in the stomach. As much as we go out of our way to avoid the people or the situations that cause us pain and heartache, sometimes fate/karma/bad luck steps in and spins us on our heads.

The problem with run-ins and set backs is that they do not just happen when you actually run in to the person you once loved.  It can happen driving down the interstate when you pass by a hotel that you once stayed in for a weekend getaway.  One can sneak up on you when “your song” comes on the radio, or HER favorite show comes on TV.  We form happy, emotional attachments to these places/things because they remind us of the person we loved more than life itself.  But when it all falls apart, there is no off switch for these memories.  No delete button to move it to the trash file.  We just have to deal with the moment of sorrow and push through it.

I had this type of set back a few weeks ago.  I was driving down the highway several miles from my hometown to visit with some family.  I would describe myself as a very observant (okay, possibly nosy) person, so I am constantly scanning my surroundings.  I looked in my rear view mirror and, of course, I saw HER right behind me.  In a matter of seconds, I could feel my fight or flight response start to kick in.  My heart rate doubled and I felt like, in that moment, I could have outran my truck.  So now I was locked in on HER.  I kept looking for any sign that she saw me as well.  I eventually turned off the highway a few miles down the road and stopped to watch her. When she passed by, I noticed that she didn’t even look my way.  Not even a wave, a honk of a horn, or even a look in my general direction.  Now the optimist in me would like to think that she was listening to the radio or talking on the phone and just did not notice me.  But the realist/cynic in me knows she saw and chose not to look.

Now what good can be drawn from situations like these? How can I use this to make myself a stronger person?  Times like these can be litmus tests for our progression towards moving on and finding happiness again.  Did I spend the rest of the day feeling absolutely miserable and making it worse on myself by listening to “Our Song” on repeat? Yes.  But, did I wake up the next day feeling better? Have I felt a little bit happier each day since?  YES!  I honestly feel like I turned a corner that day and the days after.  Now I am sure I will have other set backs and run-ins before it is all said and done.  But I honestly believe that I am on the correct path that I need to be on.  We cannot let the unhappy memories from the past hold us back from making better memories in the present and future.  Like I have quoted before: the goal is to keep moving forward and opening new doors.

Have a great day 😉

A. Failure

When I decided to start this blog, I had two goals in mind: The first goal was a selfish reason-therapy for myself.  To be honest, starting a blog is WAAAAAAAY cheaper than seeing a psychiatrist.  But not far behind was the second goal: I just wanted to help other people.  Maybe something that I have been through or something that I have felt could in some way help out someone out there going through a similar situation.  Even if I can help only one person, it’s worth it.

Anyway, I found something online today that I liked.  Hopefully you or someone else out there will like it, too.

“If you can’t fly, then run.  If you can’t run, then walk.  If you can’t walk, then crawl.  But whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward.”

– Martin Luther King Jr.

Just remember that no matter how badly things are right now, they will get better.  Just keep pressing on and keep moving forward.

Have a great day 😉

A. Failure

P.S. Hopefully I will have another post up by tomorrow evening.

 

As you know by now, I absolutely love quotes.  A good quote can be just what we need to get us motivated and keep us going when our day might not be working out the way we want.

“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”

– Dr.Seuss

Oftentimes we get hung up on the journey or experience ending instead of being grateful for the lessons learned.  Don’t let your past hold you back from you future.

Have a great day 😉

A. Failure