The Carpenters said that “Breaking Up Is Hard to Do” but to be honest, I believe that moving on is a much harder pill to swallow.  During the course of any stage in our lives, there will come a time when we as adults will have to decide that we have had enough.  We will have to shrug our shoulders and turn the page if we want to be able to not only move on but also to grow from the experiences we’ve been through.

Moving on is a major ordeal for most of us.  We become attached to certain people, places, objects, etc. and they become ingrained into our subconscious.  We get stuck in the mindset that the way things used to be were as good as they will ever be.  There are many “what-ifs” associated with moving on.  What if I move on and SHE comes back one day?  What if I am ready to move on and stay alone for the rest of my life?  What if I can’t move on?

There has to be a process to rebuilding one’s personal life after experiencing the loss of a lover.  I believe the most important part is finding a way to be content with being alone, at least for a while.  Believe me when I say this, I have had PLENTY of practice at being alone these past few months.  The silence is deafening some nights.  I would sit alone watching Netflix or scrolling through Twitter praying that my phone would ring and that it would be HER on the other end.  You can only sit there and re-watch episodes of Parks and Recreation so many times before you want to throw the remote through the TV screen. Okay, I’m lying about that part. Park and Recreation never gets old, but you get my point.

One night as I’m sitting alone in my living room, there was a knock on my door.  And just like clockwork, here came that good old heart-pounding, punch-in-the-gut feeling.  Was I going to open the door and find HER standing there with open arms?  Would SHE be there to rescue me like Pocahontas running in to save John Smith?  But as the door opened, I saw that it was just a neighbor inviting me to a barbecue that upcoming weekend.  I thanked him for the invite and went back to whatever I was doing before the “run-in.”

I believe that neither you nor I want to be miserable for the rest of our lives.  We all want to start anew and begin to not only love again but to be loved again.  Call me romantic or naive, but I truly believe that there is “that one person” who was put on this Earth for us to find and be with for the rest of our lives.  My one big prayer is that if it isn’t HER, that mine is still out there looking for me.  And if SHE is the one, then maybe there is a ten year plan that God has in play for me that I’m totally oblivious to.  I saw a quote one time that said, “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans for the your future.” I believe there is a lot of truth to that.

Maybe I’ve seen too many Disney movies, but I hope and pray that we all have a magical fairy-tale ending in our futures–futures filled with love, happiness, and forest animals singing and helping with household chores. Okay, maybe I’m honestly only hoping for or expecting two of those three, but a boy can dream, can’t he?  In the vain attempt to not sound like a broken record, we have to keep moving forward and taking things one day at a time.  We have to breathe in and breathe out and put one foot in front of the other.  Sorry, that last line was lyrics to a Chris Cagle song.  But again, you get the point.

Have a great day 😉

A. Failure

P.S. My goal in all this is not only to help myself but also to help anyone out there going through hard times as well.  I want to keep this as anonymous as possible, but I also want to include details from my life and experiences that could help people.  Eventually, I want to include some happy tales of moving on and starting over.  On the this blog, I’ll always be know as A. Failure, but hopefully from time to time I’ll also be A. (Happy) Failure.  Thanks again for listening.